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I am nowrogueowl 

Add me there please! 

(no subject)
Dan and I were having a conversation earlier.

Me: my life is so depressing right now. like it's fun, but depressing.

Dan: Life is like that, I feel the same way although I'm generally less depressed nowadays. Just kinda used to it.

Me: it's better in some ways, i feel free in a way, but at the same time, i feel kind of alone because I'm finding out who i am, but i don't know if it's really me, and I'm not playing nice anymore and I'm tossing people out of my life and i am not giving people other chances, when they are gone, they are gone. and i think people are really realizing that but i just feel alone when I'm thinking about this stuff

Dan: Yeah. It's a shitty feeling too.

Me: like, everyone's pissed about how I handled the Jill thing, but it really pisses me off that everyone knew how I felt and figured I'd explode and do something like this and just cause Jill fucking cried, it makes me that bad guy, and people think I should say sorry to her and apologize for how I handled it, fucking, no. Jill cried now, for attention, and everyone failed to acknowledge how she was TOO DRUNK to text me back when you and I broke up, or how when my mom passed out she fucking left cause it was "too heavy" for her to deal with. And how I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep because she treated me like shit and made me feel bad and all that stuff. but it's always my fault and I'm SO ANGRY at everyone because why does everyone think they can step on me and NOT expect me to blow up in their faces after awhile? I AM A FUCKING PERSON AND I DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT AND I DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND I'M SICK OF BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT. Sorry...I don't mean to take it out on you ,but it's been building up for so long, I just can't deal with it anymore. I needed to get that out and I earlier I couldn't find the words.

I feel like I don't really need to explain what happened. I feel like it's pretty...self explainatory. I am just really sick of people and I don't know how to voice it to them but I am really done with being treated how I am.

I have really awesome friends who want to be included in my life. Like Matt and Anna, and Jamie. Joe, Dan. Amber and a bunch more people, but those are the people who are very involved in my life and I am lucky for them. :]


I am determined
I want to win something from Maru Maru. I know it's much easier to just buy one, but I've never really won anything in my life...'cept that lame cd in Ms. Jordan's class, and that was cause Courtney kept putting my name in the box. But i told her I didn't like her son's band, so that was a lose situation for me. Lol. Maru Maru's jewelry is so nice and adorable and i would wear it all the time, non stop, if i won anything. If i don't win, some one should buy something for me anyway. Hah. Just kidding. kind of)

So please... check these sites out. Thanks!



Please PLEASE PLEASE check this out!
Golden mask

This awesome jeweler i befriended on myspace called Maru Maru is doing a free give away. You can enter and tell them which one is your favorite. Then they pick at random and your piece might be won to you!

Thanks for your time guys.

ps. Sorry i haven't been around a lot lately. There's tons going on, but never time to write about it anymore. 

Sarah Dessen; Sarah Land
Oh no cupcake
So Sarah Dessen has a new website for her fans and it's called Sarah-Land. Check it out.


I love Sarah Dessen's books and I'd help support her any way I can. So please just check it out, perhaps you'll find one of her books interesting and read it.


my Family

Pyzam Family Sticker Toy
Create your own family sticker graphic at pYzam.com

(no subject)
I should be cleaning, or doing something productive. my head is starting to hurt, maybe because of how loud i was playing my music. the heat, i dunno. i'm in a terrible mood. i want to leave this house. i don't know why i didn't get a job awhile back ago and save up money so i could be on my own.

 *sigh* whatever. i just know how this is going to turn out from earlier. prepare to get yelled at.

& cute thing
every girl dreams that one day she will find a boy that does these things for her. even the smallest action can have the BIGGEST impact in someones life.
• give her one of your t-shirts to sleep in.
• leave her cute text notes.
• kiss her in front of your friends.
• tell her she looks beautiful.
• look into her eyes when you talk to her.
• let her mess with your hair.
• touch her hair.
• just walk around with her.
• forgive her for her mistakes.
• look at her like she`s the only girl you see.
• tickle her even when she says stop.
• hold her hand when you`re around your friends.
• when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
• let her fall asleep in your arms.
• get her mad, then kiss her.
• tease her and let her tease you back.
• stay up all night with her when she`s sick.
• watch her favorite movie with her.
• kiss her forehead.
• give her the world.
• write her letters.
• let her wear your clothes.
• when she`s sad, hang out with her.
• let her know she`s important.
• let her take all the photos she wants of you.
• kiss her in the pouring rain.
• when you fall in love with her, tell her.
• and when you tell her, love her like you`ve never loved someone before.

& Valentine's Day

A few things.
1) Snow Day
which equals alright/ ultra bum day.
2) Valentine's Day
i have new outlook on V-Day because of Dan
3) My Family knows i'm dating Dan
i didn't know how to tell my family... so it's kinda exciting.
This is an important day.

So anyways.
i'm sick. which isn't cool.
i'm missin' my Corina, which also isn't cool.
mom's watching 24 but the music sounds like the music from Ferngully, which now i want to watch.

I'm making a list of movie's that Dan and i are going to have to see.
I can't think of anything right now.
1.Vanilla Sky 
or something scary so i can cuddle up with him.

i had a whole lot more to say, but i don't remember anymore.
dad got us chocolate, and it's good stuff.
aww i loves him.

off to go do school work or something till 9 cause then i can call Dan back,
and we have a two hour delay tomorrow,
i think.

oh yeah. i'm also hoping to finish CupCake this week sometime.
I dunno why i can't get through it though.
And i have to remember to give Dan Gingerbread.
he said he'd read it.
i love that boy.
he's so wonderful to me.

ahh i miss him. i just want to hug him and kiss him and love him.

there better be school tomorrow.
two hour delay, pleeaseeee!

okay. head hurts. gonna go.


&some poems

here's some of my sucky poetry and haiku's and stuff.

Bright, Bursting Light.
Yellow and Glimmering Warmth
The Sun is my Love

 My friend Corina
drives a pretty car, Dottie
on old dirt roads

 rows of pink flowers
i see as i hold your hand
this is me happy

 dark merky waters,
pull my body down under
and fast crush my heart

you're my sunshine during the day,
and you're my shinning star at night.
You are my favorite record playing on a breezy spring day.
babe you're my favorite person.
my favorite smile,my favorite laugh.
you are my hope,ou keep me strong.
babe you are my favorite person.
you make me laugh.
you make me melt inside.
you're my shoulder to cry on,
you're my personal journal.
you keep me safe.
you're my favorite person.
you're my favorite babe.
you're my sweet melody,
my soothing lullaby,
you know me so well,
and you're my favorite after all.
you're my favorite babe.
you keep me warm on a cold winter day,
you're my favorite song.
you're for me and i am for you.
babe, you're my favorite person.